Big Love: Polygamy Never Looked so Good

Big Love is an odd show about an odd topic. It combines two things that appeal to very different audiences — devout religion and abnormal sexual practices — but is completely justifiable in its juxtaposition of these two elements in that it’s based on real life…sort of. Our protagonists, a large (to say the least) three-mother family led by Bill Paxton, live according to “the principle,” which was part of the original Mormon church and was carried on by the society they are having a hard time separating from, The UEB/United Effort Brotherhood (based semi-loosely on the AUB/Apostolic United Brethren, or any number of other polygamist fundamentalist sects that are still very much in existence). Of course, each member of the family has their own understandable reason for having joined this lifestyle, and they range in their devotion to the religious core of the principle, from the fully-indoctrinated second wife Nikki (played by Chloë Sevigny), who happens to be the daughter of UEB leader Roman Grant (played by the awesome Harry Dean Stanton), to newcomer and third wife Margene (Ginnifer Goodwin), who knows little about the family’s religion but loves the idea of polygamy. The original couple out of which this family grew, Bill and Barb Henrickson (Paxton and Jeanne Tripplehorn), provide the “monogamous” front for the family, which lives in three connected houses, and occasionally show regrets at having shared their love with the others. However, any regret is temporary, as even though it was an unusual path that brought them all to this current state of family, it seems undeniably to work for them and bring them all happiness. Of course, it also brings them constant fear and paranoia, and plenty of dramatic twists and turns.

The drama comes mostly from the UEB compound, known as Juniper Creek, where Roman Grant persists in making Bill’s life hell for leaving the UEB as a teenager, and for various other transgressions. However, when you’re living an alternative sexual lifestyle like our protagonists are, danger can come from anywhere, and new threats continue to appear in the form of coworkers, neighbors, and even family. Everything stays nice and believable due to the incredible supporting cast, which includes character actors like the aforementioned Harry Dean Stanton and Joel McKinnon Miller (as Bill’s coworker and fellow polygamist living in suburbia, Don Embry), and, as women living the principle, Melora Walters, Grace Zabriskie, and Mary Kay Place. Even the younger supporting actors, among them Daveigh Chase, Tina Majorino, and Amanda Seyfried, are accomplished thespians in their own right.

Regardless of the dramas that befall our beloved family, the show keeps coming back to the unique relationship between the four lovebirds at the center of it all. The amazing opening credits, set to the Beach Boys’ “God Only Knows,” immediately establish the undeniable love that they all share. Even if the love between the ladies is platonic, they consider themselves married to each other, and have their own tiffs and reconciliations. After watching a season or so of this show, I guarantee you’ll be as in love with this family as I am, and you might even start to think, “hey, there’s something to this polygamy idea after all!”

In fact, with shows like The Bachelor and its feminine counterpart The Bachelorette constantly analyzing the theme of being in love with multiple people, and indeed how effortless it is after you get used to it, it seems like America might finally be coming around to the idea that love needn’t be selfish. If you think about it, a hundred years ago (and even today, in many parts of the world), it was absolutely unacceptable for a woman you married to have been with anyone else in the past. She would be considered some kind of whore! People have slowly been coming around to the idea of accepting their lovers’ past lovers as just another part of life. Nowadays, if you can’t deal with your partner’s past, you’re considered weird or old-fashioned. Maybe in another hundred years, it’ll be considered square to get jealous about your partner’s other current partners. If you’re unconvinced by that, consider this fact: most men live polygamous lives anyway, they just don’t tell their wives about it. Think about it.

If you’re interested in reading more about this fascinating topic, “Pucker Up” columnist Tristan Taormino provides an excellent analysis of this show and compares/contrasts it with The Girls Next Door, the show about Hugh Hefner’s three girlfriends, in her article “Every Man’s Fantasy?: Two television shows explore nontraditional relationships.” There’s also an amazing photo slideshow with voice-over, documenting a real-life “plural family” along the lines of that in Big Love, available on the Salt Lake Tribune website (accompanying article here). Check it out!