…Making the Most of Drudgery

Starting an anecdote with a line such as “Today at the office…” or “Today while on the packed train at 8:30 AM…” easily provokes cringes or pity from friends. Those lucky acquaintances of mine who’ve chosen an alternate path know not the stifling politics and dingy cube walls that greet the office cog each morning, one who’s expected early at their desk with a readiness to stare watery-eyed at the glaring computer screen. Bleak as it may be, being an optimist I assure these pals that there’s fun to be had in the stereotypically exhausting workplace environment. Sure, we’ve all seen a certain television program that highlights the often hilarious situations that may occur, but what are we normal folk to do if we don’t have a deliciously awkward boss, nerdy yet lovable coworkers, or good-looking secretaries with which to shamelessly flirt? Although sad reality tells us that life is not in fact an hilarious TV show, my outlook allows me to take pleasure in the numerous, if however small, bits of awesomeness that can be dredged from the depths of this sad plight. Indeed, there are some undeniably excellent benefits to spending one’s life in an office (besides, er, the rewards that the job itself offers…). And the standout among them all is the loads of free stuff.

I’ll go ahead and mention first off the most obvious and exploited of all free things at work, and that is office supplies. It’s been proved several times over that both Laura and I have an almost terrifying enjoyment for the crap they sell at Office Depot, but I’ll be damned if a new set of shiny pens doesn’t just put a skip in my step. There are countless gems to be found in yonder supply closet, from your everyday highlighters, rubber bands, and glue sticks, to excellent prizes like burnable CD’s, calendars, and the ever convenient Post-It note.  And who can deny the usefulness and just plain fun that a Sharpie can offer, especially when you find a pack whose colors mirror that of a beautiful rainbow? While the worth of all these items is undeniable, their availability still leaves us with a great big “Duh.”

But did you ever think to check the first aid kit? Here lies a bounty of excellent health products, from headache relief to bandages of all sizes. I certainly don’t keep much more than rubbing alcohol and a few random Band-Aids at home, but as soon as Monday rolls around, any injury incurred can be handled at my very place of work. I once mended all the wounds of a nasty slip down some stairs (yes, this was an alcohol-driven fall), by simply turning to this little cabinet of health. It provided my scraped and aching self with alcohol-soaked pads, antibiotic ointment, and the proper sized bandages to cover my bleeding elbows. The aspirin worked wonders for the pain in my hideously bruised ass, and I even ate me a few tabs of chalky Pepto for good measure. What a picture of health (and frugality) I was!

But however great the above may prove to be, let us not forget the most important free item: that which provides sustenance. Most notably, any office place provides endless free beverages. One might find water hot and cold, coffees and teas, and even hot chocolate for those special afternoons. I laugh at the poor fools waiting in stuffy lines for their four dollar cups of sludge. The coffee I receive may be watery and weak, and each of the wonderful varieties they provide may all taste the same, but why complain? And, for those wondering what to eat for breakfast, the regularly stocked milk near the coffee machine can be utilized as a stomach-coating breakfast. That shit comes in Skim, 2%, and Whole!

But it gets even better my friends. It’s almost always someone’s birthday, last day, or baby-having time, especially if you work in a large office like mine. Sure, you may never have spoken to that one lady upstairs with the funny hairdo and questionable grooming habits, but that won’t stop you from enjoying the “appy” off her deliciously frosted cake. That reminds me of this one time when a person was heard to complain when their pregnancy earned them an ice cream cake. Who doesn’t like ice cream cake? That’s absurd. Point being, there are always foolish naysayers neglecting to take advantage of what’s before them, leaving our informed selves to feast upon their stupidity. Similarly, just because there’s a meeting you weren’t invited to or a seminar only for the visiting higher-ups, do not be dismayed. These sorts of things always leave leftovers, and you can causally walk in afterwards to gather yourself a full meal.

While I expect these tips may leave you in awe of my optimism in the face of dreary office conditions, I also don’t want to come across as cheap. I spend countless sums of dough on activities some may describe as frivolous or even unhealthy. I just happen to also think it awesome to wring the office job for everything it’s worth.