The 9 Best Non-Polish Records I’ve Found in the Trash

9. In a Sentimental Mood

That woman is thinking naughty thoughts. Also, as a sometime fan of They Might Be Giants, I appreciate knowing what the Longines Symphonette means.

8. I Like Beethoven

A musical tribute to the hero of non-conformists everywhere. You can see the record company executives just aching to get a piece of that hippie/beatnik market, and something tells me this didn’t work.

7. How Great Thou Art (Guy & Ralna)

Religious stuff: funny. Outdated clothing and hairstyles: funny. The way Guy is holding Ralna: creepy.

6. Waltz: Arthur Murray’s Music for Dancing

Music for dancing. Guess that just about says it. No need to invest any more time or money in finding music for dancing, because it’s all here on this record. I also love the Dracula-ish expression on the man’s face and the obliviousness of his dancing partner.

5. Lullaby and Good Night (Gisele MacKenzie)

Doesn’t something in her eyes just scream out, “I put rat poison in little Timmy’s applesauce”? All I know is, that kid looks unnaturally limp.

4. Solid Gold Guitar Goes Hawaiian (Al Caiola)

I wish more bands went Hawaiian these days. Those were good times. Relaxing times. Times that made you wish you had a frozen drink right about now. Unfortunately, funds are a little tight here at Liz and Laura headquarters, so the only drink I’ll be having is a Sour Milk-tini.