Medals are for grown ups, tricks are for kids (and China)

I know I should be boycotting these dumb Olympics, but I’m a sucker for stuff like gymnastics since I used to do it (not well, but I did it). I also did synchronized swimming, with even less stellar results. But that’s beside the point. I think it’s a terrible injustice that these obviously underaged Chinese bitches got gold medals for flagrantly violating the rules. It’s bad enough the judges were awarding them suspiciously high scores, but everyone knows younger girls have a HUGE advantage when it comes to things like tumbling. It just ain’t right.

I say strip them of their medals immediately! It’s the only way to preserve the integrity of the games and previous records.