The highway was packed with cars and Liz felt like a slimy fish in between all the giant vehicles. The small silver Volvo she drove was so old and rickety that she feared for its rider’s safety, but that hadn’t stopped her and her best friend from embarking on a trip to Boston. Laura slouched [...]

Jesus first spotted Mary the night of graduation from Hebrew school.  Jesus and a bunch of his friends decided to have a tailgate party, so they drove their mulecart down to the lake and propped open the back, where they proceeded to consume large quantities of “water.” Two of Jesus’ buddies, Peter and Luke, broke [...]

We all remember the delightful antics of young Goofus and Gallant, as documented in the children’s magazine “Highlights for Children.” Well, here’s a look at them a few years down the line. Gallant comes home, kisses his wife, and asks her how her day was. Goofus comes home, smacks his wife, and says, “Bitch, where’s [...]

In order to spread some seasonal joy, we now present to you, our lucky readers, the beloved tale of the origin of the best holiday ever, Weedsgiving.  Enjoy!

While Mr. Flappy was making his way to the store, Lucille was on a date with a burly man pigeon named Chuck. He was kind of an asshole, and he intended to ask Lucille for her hand (or wing, rather) by the end of the night. Pigeons weren’t much for courtship. Mr. Flappy finally got [...]

Mr. Flappy had always been terrible at gift-giving, so he decided to consult Gerald on what to give a lady so that she’ll go out with you. “Well,” Gerald began, lighting a match on the gulag wall, then puffing thoughtfully on a corncob pipe, “women are basically self-absorbed, so if you make them feel like [...]

Once, there was a man who ate nothing but tuna sandwiches washed down with vodka. He hated tuna. He just ate it because it’s all they fed him at the gulag. One day a little bird flew into his cell, and he fed it bits of tuna sandwich until it was tame. Luckily, it was [...]

Here is something I wrote when Liz got a boyfriend and started hanging out with him a lot.  God, I’m funny. Benedick/Laura: I do much wonder that one man, seeing how much another man is a fool when he dedicates his behaviors to love, will, after he hath laughed at such shallow follies in others, [...]