I’ll keep this brief. Restaurants that leave plates of example dishes out by their host stations are disgusting. I don’t want to see a three hour old plate of chicken and pasta, and neither do your customers. Stop it.

One smell I love is the smell of the gardening departments at big stores like Target and Home Depot. I mean, not the manure, but everything else. There’s just something so comfy about the earthiness and freshness of all those plants, and the chemicals don’t hurt either.

You know when you’re discussing some really dull hot topic with a coworker or acquaintance, making small talk about the Octomom or American Idol for example, and they pull one of these out? “But where’s the line?” They really mean, “Where do you draw the line?” but they’re in too much of a hurry to [...]

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. That way you can make sure you’re spending a lot of time with people you hate.

The United States Navy’s slogan for the past five years or so has been “Accelerate your life.” Isn’t that kind of bitterly ironic?  Because that’s exactly what the military does.  Speed up your life.  To its prompt end.

If motherhood is really the toughest job in the world, why do we let 12-year-olds babysit?

So if you’re ordering breakfast at a diner or somewhere, and you notice your waitress is hot, here’s a good way to let her know how you feel. Waitress: How do you like your eggs? You: Inseminated.  (Wink) I guarantee you’ll get a little something extra with your breakfast.

You hear a lot about the First World and the Third World, but you never hear about the Second World.  What’s going on with them?  Are they Europe, and we’re just afraid to call them that?

I was looking at one of those bilingual prayer candles that they sell at the supermarket, and I noticed something peculiar. While comparing the English prayer to the Spanish, I realized that they use the “tu” verb form when addressing God. Shouldn’t they really use “Usted”? If God himself doesn’t warrant an Ud., who does?